The Continuing Journey

by Judith Downing

Living in a long term care retirement community, as I do, I am in the company of people who are aging in a variety of ways. All of us are finding that our memories are not as sharp as they used to be. The immediate ones slip away quicker than we wish, the recent ones fade away slowly, but the long ago ones are often vivid and we dwell upon them in our frequent idle moments as our lives slow down and there are fewer demands on our time. Some of us sadly are suffering from severe memory loss, our minds ravaged by dementia. We come to realize that our ability to remember is a great blessing. Our sense of memory is something we cherish.

It is with this awareness that I have recently been taken aback by a phrase used regularly by a TV news anchor when he is speaking of some noted person who has died. He will say with practiced reverence “May his/her memory be a blessing.” I know what he means, what he is trying to say. But—-no. This deceased person no longer has memory. They are gone from us. Their memory is no longer. But ours, God willing, is alive and it is OUR MEMORY OF THEM, THAT REMAINS AND IS A BLESSING! “May our memory of them be a blessing” is what we mean and should say. That is what we are engaged in at memorial services—–pondering and sharing our memories of our loved one and our times with them in life. These memories and the gift of life that they echo for us is the blessing.

As we age, still living happily and fruitfully in the present among family and friends, we also become more reflective . I am fortunate to have a wealth of writings and photograhs of not only my immediate family and friends but also of those long gone with whom I shared my earlier life. I have also for a long time kept a daily journal in which I have detailed my experiences and thoughts. All of this material triggers for me countless memories. And these memories often help me to understand who I am today.

In his recent book ” Why We Remember” Charan Ranganath says that “a major purpose of memory is to give us an illusion of stability in a world that is always changing”. No matter what our age I think we’ve all begun to feel that the world we inhabit is changing more rapidly in recent times than ever before, both positively and negatively.

So, as I watch the world near and far changing so much I am blessed by the memories I have of the life I’ve led and the world that I have passed through in my 80+ years. These memories ground me in the changing world around me. They highlight for me the individual I am and have been from start, buffeted by all the changes I have experienced and the people who have influenced me.

I remember my first six years when I had a loving family but no real playmates because of the places we lived and how often we moved. And I have come to realize how much that solitary early childhood has shaped the person I am today—–a strong introvert relying on inner resources and time alone for energy and strength.

I remember the years during and after WWII in our country and the world and how my family coped with those times and that helps me understand why I feel so strongly about what is happening in our world today.

I remember a grandmother who lived with us and loved me and supported me unconditionally. She is often in my thoughts giving me the memory of being loved and cherished by someone who expressed that love easily. It is as if she is still with me, but the memory of her warm presence in my life is an inspiration and a guide for me in how I want to be in my relations with others.

Ranganath says “if we look for memories, we’ll reshape them into our beliefs of what’s happening now.” That does not mean that we alter the past, ours or that of the world as it was, but that we come to see what’s happening now in the light of what happened before. Our memories of the past are in conversation with our present realities. The memorist knows this so well. What and how we remember is “more like a painting than a photgraph (Ranganath), shaped and colored by who we are now with new layers, new overlays and forms”.

Our memory as a part of our being is absolutely essential to our functioning in life. But our memories that populate that “memory bank”, if you will, are the rich stimuli to our creativity, personality and depth of experience as we age through life.

So, any time we may spend in reminiscing about past experiences and the people we have known is well spent as it enrichs our present lives and adds to the creativity that we bring to whatever we may do.